Sunday, January 29, 2012

l will elaborate more later, but..

I'm going in tomorrow to have the third surgery since Monday. After putting on the grids and doing the research and tests that the doctors did, they decided that removing the problematic spot from my brain is to risky and wouldn't result in a successful outcome. The were so upset in telling me, had so much time invested in my case and wanted it to work for me that it made it that much worse.

Soo...here I am back to square one it seems. All I can do, at this minute is feel mad, defeated and like I failed at something way more powerful then I should have ever thought i could win at. I'm giving up for today. But, hopefully my attitude will fell better tomorrow. Someday I'll feel like I can be on my own two feet again and not have to relay on others just for me to live life. But today, I just want to curl up and sleep. With Valium.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Another new update

Since monday, they have found some of what they r looking for, but not enough to remove a spot. Nothing is going be a guarantee, for sure, but the next step is to go back in and add some new electrodes to see if they can pin point a spot, at all. This was not the scenario we wanted, but I'm already half opened up do it sort of has to be the next step.
So that's that for now. Im sure I'm missing a million things, but I'm not all there. I miss my kids like crazy, Avery has a double ear infection:(. But I'll leave you with something funny; me with no hair! Bet you never thought you'd see that!!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Hi guys...

So here I am, hospital stay day number three. I came on the surgery day in a good mood, gave everyone hugs and got on my way. And then, 7 hours later, I started to wake up. I had never been in so much pain.
But after a day of sleeping and seizures and some language mapping, my personality went from miserable to just blah. So today mark want home to see the kids and I got to catch up on some sleep and things. But moving and things are out of the question. Owe is all I can say :)

Monday, January 23, 2012

Surgery update

Hey everybody, this is Mark.  I just wanted to fill everyone in with an update.  Stace had the surgery this morning and everything went very well.  She was in from about 10:00 am to about 5:00 pm.  I guess that is a normal length of time to be  in the OR for this type of procedure.  I finally got to see her at about 7:30 in the ICU.  She looks pretty good but she said she's in lots of pain.  I can only imagine.  One of the first things she said to me was "take my picture".  What a nut.  Hopefully the pain will lessen tomorrow, but it will only come back when she finds out they shaved nearly half her head!  Not sure if she wanted me to post a picture.  I'll keep you posted, it's gong to be a long ride.  


-Mark (I don't have a cool signature like Stacey :( )

Today is the big day!

So idk how I feel about this. We left the kids asleep and are now driving in to the Brigham. I slept well last night, but woke up at exactly 5:55, so I guess I was a little anxious. I don't think I am nervous about the surgery, persay, but more about recovering and the results. What if it doesn't work, which could be the case? I would be devastated. Or what if my recovery is so prolonged that my kids hit all these milestones and have new expirences without me there to see it, but just hear about it? I'm going to miss them more then anything and fear that when they see me again they won't be as excited that u want them to be. I bought them each a new lovie from mommy to hug and hold whenever they miss me and Cam was sad when I gave it to him, but understood. He named him Louigie! He even gave me one of his lovies to take with me, cutie.

So here goes nothing: there is nothing left to do to improve life for me, my kids or my husband. I need to do this, so as awful as it is going to be, I need to see it as a step in the right direction. A step towards relief and a new me. One that can do anything she wants and succede in those things. I have high hopes:)

One last pic of me with a full head of hair. Soon, not so much. But hey, maybe I'll start a weirdo trend :)



Sunday, January 22, 2012

Surgery tomorrow!

Open brain surgery tomorrow.  Enough for now, I need to sleep.  Talk in the morning, and if not, wish me luck!  I'll keep you posted, or Mark will be my fill in.  Should be fun :)  I'm going to miss my hair, and my kids.

Cammy turned 3 Today!!!!

Craziness!!!  I can not BELIEVE he is this big know!!  He went from 7lbs 10oz to almost 34 lbs in 3 years?  Holy moly!  I just can't imagine he is this old!  I remember him in my tummy like yesterday!  That amazing pregnancy that kept him safe and sound through two life threatening problems that could have whisked him out of my arms before I even got to meet him!  And now he's here, a vibrant, full of life little boy.  Sometimes to vibrant!!  lol.  There really isn't that much to report about him.  He's exactly what you'd expect from a 3 year old.  Absurdly smart for his own good (in my opinion at least!!), I mean he's practically a genius!  Rambles on and on about anything he wants to talk about, for long stretches!!  He loves his little train sets and Lego sets, playing his version of football, baseball and soccer.  Wants to be his daddy, but loves cuddling, hugging and kissing his mommy.  He loves singing and dressing up so he can use his crazy imagination!  I could go on and on, but I want to sleep!  It has been a long day, and will be extra long tomorrow!  

We had a small little party for him today.  Just my family and our best friends over.  Pizza and cake with a some trains, balloons and presents thrown in the mix!!  He had a blast and so did I.  Even my brother PJ was able to call from the ship and at the perfect timing, right when the cake was being served.  That made me happy! 

So here are some pictures to subside your need for cuteness!

Happy Birthday my sweet love.  To the moon and back!

The thank you box's
 My Etsy Banner
 Sissy
Birthday Boy!!
  Do you love his shirt??  From Etsy, again!
 Besties!  Well that's are plan at least!!
 Avery got a cute shirt, too!
 They were jumping so I think they just got in trouble.  They love each other more then anyone else ever!  Seriously, it is hysterical to watch them play, especially when they don't know you are watching, or listening! :)
 Pizza Time
 Presents

 Cake
 Yuuuummmmmmm



Saturday, January 21, 2012

ABC's Pic


Here's my Photo 52's-ABC photo for this week.  It took me awhile with all that is going on to decide what to do for this picture.  I was going to do something for Cameron next week (since its his BIRTHDAY!!!) but after I took some pics today I decided that this one sort of encompasses Cameron's personality in one little picture!  He's funny, goofy, happy, and cooky all the time, along with loving, sneaky, bossy, hungry, loud, snuggley, and smart.  He's a great combination of Mark and I, along with all the people in his life that get to see him on a regular basis, which is to many people to list!!  So just a picture for today, cause tomorrow is his day!!  He's turning THREE!!!!

A little late, but Avery's 11 months!!!

Well, she turned 11 months on January 13th, a FRIDAY!  But I'm not getting around to blog about it until a week later.  What's a week, right?  Well, I guess its a long time when she's not even 52 weeks old yet :)

So to no one's surprise, she's still a teeny tiny little peanut!!  She went in for a weight check a few weeks ago she had a weight check and weighed a whopping....wait for it....14 lbs 12 oz! Three weeks later she went in and had gained 3
oz's, putting her in the .38%!  So the gave us some fatty food options like adding olive oil into her baby food, add things like avocado, egg yolks, banana's, and whole milk cheese and yogurt to her diet, and also cutting out things like Puffs that don't have much nutritional value, but fill them up. This girl is just not into gaining weight!  So this past week, she went in to have a little burn checked out on her hand (she tried pulling up on a little radiator in the bathroom!!) and they weighed her there.  She was up to 15lbs 6oz, and she went up on the curve, to .78%!  Ha, but the doctor saw this as an improvement and to just keep doing what we are doing and see how it looks at her 1 year appt, which won't be until Feb 22nd, so that I can hopefully go with her to.

So aside from that, this little girl is doing so good with everything else!!  She is a crawling champ and is constantly on the go.  Like will not stay still!  She pulls up on everything (hence the burn, boo.) and is getting more confidant with cruising the furniture.  Not walking yet, but who knows!  She little!  She talks all the time and whether or not she knows it, she can say "mama", "
dada", "papa", and "hi".  She's also great at waving when someone comes into the room and when she wants your attention.  She also loves clapping and imitating things that you do.  And she is such a good hugger!!  She is still obsessed with Cameron and just wants to be with him anytime!  Her top teeth have all made there appearance at the same time, just not at the same pace, so even though it doesn't seem to bother her to much, she is a drooling machine and looks so funny with her two little outside fangs, while her middle teeth continue to push through.  Poor thing!  But she really is the happiest, cutest little thing ever!!  I can't believe we made such an adorable, dainty, cheery little girl!!  The second light of my eye, the beat of my heart and the rock that I fight for.  I don't know how I lived life before she was given to me and I thank the Lord daily for giving her to me.  He knew what I needed and now I have her :)

"Helping" me fold the clothes that I had folding about two minutes before!
 Working the 80's sweatsuit, gangsta style with one leg up! :)
 Cuteness, to the max!!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Ahhhh, yesterday....

Oh my gosh, what a freakin' day!!  We knew "most" of what the day was going to entail, but not everything!  It started out dropping the kids off with Googa around 7 then driving into Boston for my 8:30 pre-op appointment.  A lot of paper work, waiting, getting blood drawn and stuff like that.  While I was in the office, my neurosurgeon's assistant called looking for me, which I thought was weird, and told me that the doctor wanted to see me, so to come by after the pre-op.  This made me nervous!  But, she really just wanted to go over a few things and see how I was holding up.  Actually, a really nice and comforting move on her part.  I was happy to see her and to see how concerned she is for  me and my family.  She really is a great doctor: professional, smart and compassionate all in one.  And not a sugar coater.  I don't like that!


So after that meeting, we went to the admitting office to get admitted for an outpatient surgery so they could place another IVC filter to prevent any blood clots getting up to my lungs during or after my surgery, since I can't be on blood thinners for any of that time.  The procedure went perfect, that surgeon is also the sweetest man ever!  He had done the previous one, and removed it as well so he knows me very well by now!  I mentioned to him how the last IVC filter hurt that night and eventually dulled, but the pain went away completely after he removed it.  He was surprised cause its not supposed to cause any pain at all, except for maybe a the site where they put it in, but decided to place it in a slightly different spot.


So I got released, got the kids and was home around 8.  Right around then, I started getting wicked pain in my torso!  Like jabbing, excruciating pain.  It got worse when I laid down flat, but didn't go away when I was sitting up either.  I can handle pain really well, but this was riducuous!!  We called the attending doctor and he told me to come into the ER right away cause that isn't supposed to happen.  We got my mom to come sleep over and went back into Boston and spent the night in the ER.  Until 6 in the morning!!  They did some tests, ruled bleeding, dislodging and puncturing organs out and gave me pain meds.  It took forever.  And in the end, we went home with two scripts and a "I don't know why this is happening to you, but its not supposed to so call your surgeon in the morning and see what he has to say" diagnoses!  Oh thanks!


So that's what I did.  He was so concerned with it all and thinks that because there isn't that much fat around my waist (see, I love him!) that the filter might be touching nerves on my spine causing the pain.  Today its better, but it's still there.  So he said to play it out until the morning and see what it feels like and then we will decide if we should take it out.  It really shouldn't be taken out, cause it is pretty necessary to have it in for both surgery's.  So hopefully it will keep feeling better.

But what a day!!!!  The longest day ever!!  But, we made it through.  One step at a time :)

Monday, January 16, 2012

Uncle PJ

The theme for this weeks I Heart Faces was "Family Fun", so here is my contribution.  I chose this photo because, well they are all just adorable, but also because my brother PJ is just so idolized and trusted by his little nephews!  They love him to pieces and never fail to have fun with him.  Add a motorcycle to the mix and its a perfect situation!!


Photo Challenge Submission 

Sunday, January 15, 2012

We got a facelift!!

One of my New Year's Reso's was to redo my blog and make it prettier, because, I'll be the first to say it, it was boring and ugly!  So I went to Etsy and found Allison from Green Tangerine Designs (Here) who gave my dreary old blog a happy new face lift!  She did a great job and it's pretty now :) Not to busy, not to girl or to boy, just perfect for what I use the blog for!  I even have pages now, which will eventually get use, when I have more time on my hands!  I love it!  

So there it is, the first reso of the year to get checked off!  Only a few more to go!!  

And look, I have a signature :)

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Superstitions

Have I ever mentioned how superstitious I am?  I have many of them. I don't leave my wind shield wipers up when I leave the car (or anyone else's car!).  If the seam of my coffee lid, matches the seam of the coffee cup (at a place like Dunkin') I won't drink it.  I freak when a black cat crosses my path and you will never see me open an umbrella indoors.  If I get a "bad feeling" about something, I won't do it.  I made Mark come to almost every single prenatal appointment I had with all of my pregnancies because the two times he wasn't there, something bad happened: first they couldn't find the heartbeat of my first pregnancy then the second time he didn't come I failed my 1 hour diabetes test.  I have to wear a certain cross everyday, and freak when I forget it.  I have lists and lists of these things that I get made fun of for.

So yesterday being Friday the 13th, I was more then nervous.  I was sure something bad would happen. I spent the day worried, on edge and ready for "it".  I hate these things.  I which I could break these weirdo superstitions that I have, but I can't!  I was induced with Avery on the 13th of February and this scared me.  Originally, I had the choice of the 11th, or the 13th.  I choose the 11th, for the pure reason of not wanting her born on the 13th and every 7 years having her birthday on a Friday the 13th.  But for some twist of fate, I was deathly ill on the 11th and couldn't get myself to stop throwing up long enough to even call the doctor to ask her what to do!  Mark had to call.  She was back in L&D on the 13th and wanted my strength back so she decided for me that I would have her that day.  So I did.  And she's perfect, in every shape and form.  Call it stupid or a small case of OCD, but I think it may be time to give up my superstitious-ness.  I made it through yesterday with flying colors. My necklace broke and I haven't worn it in months.  I think Mark will always be my lucky charm, but I think the next time it rains, I'm going to leave my wipers up, maybe even my seat forward and walk in the house with the umbrella open.  Superstitions aren't real, but can cause a burden if you let them.  They aren't worth my time and worry anymore!

That's all :)

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Two weeks from today..

I think I've said this before, but this time is for real, at least we are hoping it is!  My surgery date is on Wednesday, January 25th.  I had an MRI last week, have another scan thing tomorrow and then have pre-op and another IVC filter placement next Tuesday.  Then over the weekend I have Cam's birthday and a weight check for Avery on Monday.  Busy, to say the least.  But that's my update.  To much talking about it makes me ridiculously sad, so that's it for now.  you'll hear how I feel about it soon enough, I'm sure.  Right now, I'm just trying to get things planned and done, while at the same time spending as much time with my littles so that I don't miss them to much while I'm away.  :(  I have soooooo much to do!!  And way to little time.  

But now it's time to kiss my little Cammy for bed.  Its a little ritual now.  He brushes his teeth, runs into me, same side every time and gives me a kiss.  I say I love you and he says, "I love you, too mama" then we touch our little pointer fingers (kinda like ET) and make kissing sounds.  Don't know where that came from, but he never fails.  I'm going to miss them so much.

Monday, January 9, 2012

I Heart Faces

Avery at about 5 months at the Beach house on Cape Cod.  Even at this young of an age, her face just emits the fun that we always have at the house as a family.  She's a goof ball, happy all the time and this photo just captures her personality without needing words.  Swoon :)


I Heart Faces Photo Challenge & Photography Tutorials 

Sunday, January 8, 2012

ABC Pic

I'll try and do this every Sunday, then on Friday I'll do my daily pics.  Work for you?  Good, I thought so!  So this weekend was a bit of a cleaning frenzy.  Mainly the playroom.  A once over, for sure, from top to bottom!  We took EVERYTHING out, dusted everything, vacuumed everything, then washed the carpet.  Of course, even with the windows open, the carpet hadn't dried and the Fisher Price tornado had to stay out in the living room and dining room over night and into Sunday.  Ugh, Mark was not happy about this.  So we took Cam to an empty parking lot so he could practice his bike for the first time (which he had gotten for his second birthday, a year ago!!)  So, along with many other really cute pictures, this was the one I choose for my weekly ABC picture: 
Cuteness, right?  So here are some others. There are alot, but he did so good and was so adorable.  My big boy! Oh, and Avery slept in the car through the whole thing!!

A little sunny at this point, but he's trying to get on the bike
 Daddy, helping him along
 Trying out the scooter, that lasted about 5 mins.  Likes the bike more!!
 He got it!!
 Awww...
Needed to know how it works.  May look like me, but all dad in that curious brain of his!!

 Love this one

 "Vroom, vroom!"


Saturday, January 7, 2012

Oh I remembered!!

On New Years Eve Day, we brought Cam ice skating for the first time!  My dad suggested we go, and even bought him a new pair of double runners. Yeah, we are pros! We asked our friends to come with us and we had so much fun!  We went to an outdoor rink, that is still frozen by whatever freezes an indoor rink, that they made just outside of the Gillette Stadium. The kids went out (with the dad's and papa), in there adorable little skates and helmets.  All there clothes made them look like the little brother from The Christmas Story!  They had these little things made to help them move around with some more support and they seemed to help.  I wouldn't say he "learned" to skate, but he did good for his first time. And he had fun, until food was mentioned and then he was "done".  But what can you expect?  Its cold and super tiring for an adult (right Mark?) so I can only imagine what a little guy feels like! 

I got crappy photos though!  I'm not use to action photos so much and nighttime with artificial light was just not happening for me for some reason!  I erased more then half of them! But here you go anyway:


Getting ready to go.  He was "so 'ecited" to get out there!
 The support thingy helping him skate with daddy
 Concentrating hard!!
 Having a bonding moment, lol
 Papa with the babe, watching the skating
 Still happy after all said and done!
 With dad and Pap's, and a yawn, yell, or laugh?  Can't tell!

Friday, January 6, 2012

Ummm..

I started this post with a purpose yesterday, then got sidetracked and now I forget what I was going to write about.  So how about a recap of the 365 Picture Challenge?  So far, I have kept up with them.  For a week, ha!  We'll see if I can keep at it.  

Day 2: Taco night may be Cameron's favorite night of the week!
Day 3: How Cam ends most of his night: playing on "his" iPod. I, btw, don't like this!
Day 4: Avery bearing her newly sprouted teeth in the tub
Day 5: Dancing together to the Charlie Brown Christmas book
Day 6: Taken by Mark with his camera while I was getting an MRI.  Hey, it's still a pic.  Of Cam. Eating. As always. :)

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Ok, another new reso..

Of course we shall see if it sticks, well, if any of them stick!  But one of my fellow bloggers put together a project that looks like it could be fun.  Its called "Photo 52-ABC's".  Its to take one photo a week that has to do with the specific letter: an item, a feeling, a description, anything really.  It may be a bit more easy to continue then one pic a day instead just one a week.  But we'll see.  I could do both!  Maybe? So "A" was really easy for me, of course!  Here we go:

A is for Avery, in her ah-dorable hat.

Last views of Chippy, for a looong time!

Just to fill you in, the last week of Chippy, we got lazy.  He flew home to the North Pole every night, gave Santa his report and made it home, he just didn't end in the fun places he had in the past.  We always have next year..

Cameron loved this little guy.  He actually cried Christmas morning when he was no where to be found.  I anticipated this, so I made a little card from Santa and had Santa himself explain that Chippy needed to come home to help him make toys for next year, and that Chippy would be back.  There was also a picture waiting for Cam to see on my computer of Chippy putting the presents under the tree.  Oh, the things you will do for your children!!


Don't get to excited, but here is the final pics of the little Elf on a Shelf, a new (put definitely not original!) tradition for our little family!


Cam colored this and my intention was to make it took like one of those "stick your head in this hole and you'll look like a...." things that you see at zoo's and what not.  Didn't really work!
 On the train around the tree.  Cam HAD to have this train when he saw it at Home Depot.  First ever full out tantrum at a store.  And we caved.
 Making coffee for dad in the AM.  He got his real coffee at Dunks cause he couldn't move him that day.
 Hanging with Santa, telling him about Cam and Avery, I guess :)
 Sleighing around, with no reindeer's...oops
 Time, it was a ticking!  Christmas Eve, eve.
 This was the pic that was on my lap top for Cam to see of Chippy helping Santa put the gifts out.  There was a little sticky from Chips that said something like, "You both have been great this year, keep it up and I'll see you next year!"  It made him soooo much happier to know he'd be back!

So as you can see, a few holes in my creativity, but Cam's not even 3 yet and Avery is 10 mos.  They don't care!  But regardless, we all had fun setting him up each night and watching him hunt, on his own mind you, each morning.  It was priceless to see his face when he found him and I hope he'll have just as much fun with him next year.  Now, I am officially done with Christmas!  I PROMISE!