Tried something new today!!

I made a collage on Picasa today!  That a step forward for me!  Even though I have all the fancy (expensive!) Photoshops, but don't exactly use them very often.  They are pretty intense and I need alot of time to get into them! So when I saw a blog post on Pintrest (LOVE!) on how to do a photo collage on something different, I tried it out.  My pics are straight out of the camera with no editing, so they are pretty crappy, but that wasn't the point today.  

Avery was being silly the other day and stood in front of her little pink toy box, looking like she had something brewing in her little brain.  She threw most of her toys out, then reached in for one of the last ones, fell in a little, fell in a lot, fell in all the way, then sat up and was like, "what? That was kinda fun." So I tried a little step by step collage of her silliness.  And it worked, just not great quality!  Oh well, I tried!

"Hair" goes nothing!

First of all, I must give Mark the credit for the creative post title :) 

So, after my meltdown yesterday, Steph made an appointment with her hairdresser for me to get the job done.  Steph told her my story and she was more then happy to see me and even offered to stay after hours to make me feel more comfortable, with out us even asking.  That is how adorable sweet she is!!  The girls refused to even take any money from me!  I need her address, cause I can't let her do that for free.

After another mini melt down today (OK not so mini), I sucked it all up, got together with Steph, and actually made it into a fun experience.  We are known to make fun of each other!  The hairdresser even suggested that I donate my hair, which made it all the more worth going to the salon instead of having Mark or Steph do it!  Other people are in much worse situations that hopefully will benefit.  It was hard, to a degree, but I knew it had to be done.  I was more sad to not have something to show for everything I went through then cutting my hair.  It just reminded me every time I looked at myself that my three open brain surgeries didn't end the way I prayed they would.  Even though no one would say it to me, but I looked stupid before with half a head of hair.  Now I feel like although not exactly what I would have chosen in the past, I chose this today and it's going to look good.  I promise.  So don't make fun of me now, give me a few weeks or months and I'll be working on covering up my scare and growing a few more inches and then get a little style that I never would have had the guts to try before.  Maybe I'll never even want to go long again!!  

With that being said, here goes a few iPhone before and afters!

   Well, this was a before the surgery "before"

Half a head that just didn't work

The scar side. Although, the scare doesn't show up as boldly in real life.

Cutting ponies off for donation

The donatables 

Shaving 

Making it fun

The "after".  Totally Natalie Portman, huh?  Sarcastic, of course.  It will grow, I promise :)

Revolution

So, (have you noticed I start most posts with "so"?) today was weird.  Well first, Avery had her one year check up appointment.  She is up to the 3% in weight, which was 17lbs 5oz and 23% in height, which was 28in long.  Good numbers, on the Avery scale!!  But she screamed the entire time of the appointment and has another double ear infection.  This is the third in the last month.  She's on the harshest antibiotic that they offer babies and the third different one the doctor has prescribed to her.  Hopefully it works.  She is acting pretty good, except when it comes to sleeping in her crib.  It is now 8:50 and she is awake on the couch with dad, happy as a clam.  Ugh.  

After the doctors appointment, we got home I started watching the TV show "The Revolution".  Its a new show, kind of weird and not my type of show, but sometimes I watch it anyway.  Today's show was all about women's hair: what they spend on hair, what to use on hair, and how to get good hair.  After seeing these people complaining that their billowing long curly hair was to curly, that their shiny straight hair was to flat or that their highlighted blond hair was to processed I got sad.  Internally at first and just thought, "ladies, at least you have a full head of hair".  Then I texted with two of my friends: one who is going through something similar and Steph who has been my best, best, bestie for my whole life long and never won't be.  I wanted perspectives from two separate people from a sort of "outsiders" point of view.  Right now, I have one side of shoulder length hair and one bald-ish side of my head, separated with a center part.  Pretty much like the doctors shaved off a pig tail.  

While texting with the girls, I broke down.  I cried the whole afternoon.  I don't see myself as a vein person and I hope others don't, but I was never self conscious either.  I have always said to myself, "I don't think I'm ugly, I think I'm pretty because this is what God gave me and it works just fine".  As stupid as it sounds, (and I can't believe I am even writing this!) I have considered my hair as my good asset, the thing people have given me compliments on since I was little, almost a thing that has defined me in a way. Then this happened and I don't know what to do.  I have kept my longer side of hair for as long as I have to try and work the comb over the bald side style, but once the stitches came out, I played with it and realized it is not going to work.  I have been wearing the wraps since coming home and you can still tell with it on that my whole head of hair is uneven.  When Steph came over tonight, we talked it out and played with it a bit to see what possibly could work.  I think I may have come to the decision that shaving the side with hair to match the other side (about a half inch) may be the best bet.  It won't be my prettiest hair I've ever had, but it will be even, and the only way that that is possible.  I really think its the only way that people will think that I choose to do this.  Otherwise, I will look awkward and like I'm healing from something and I don't want that.  The scar isn't as obvious as you may think it would be, and at least it will all grow together, making all the "styles" I choose, the same on both sides.  I have an appointment tomorrow night to have a professional look at it and give her honest opinion, then do whatever she thinks will work the best.  I hate change, but that is all that my life has been lately, so why not add one more thing?  I'll be forced to try out the little bob that I have always wanted to try, but never had the guts to do so. 

I want this back, someday: 

Ugh...Harsh step??  Opinions please!     

They make me laugh...

All day long!!  So much about them is just hysterical! OK, just now, since I've started this post, Cameron has been sitting next to me, playing on his Leapster.  It's his daddy's birthday and he's drawing a picture for him on one of the games.  He asked me what he could do to make it prettier and I said to try using the stamps.  He said, "I don't want to use the stamps.  I'm to old for the stamps."  What the?  I'm laughing already at this then all of the sudden he started laughing and said, "Mommy, I caught a bugger!! Oh wait..I caught two!!"  Where does this kid come from??  He never fails to make me laugh, even if I'm already mad at him for being up at 9pm! 

One of greatest loves in my life is to laugh at or with my babies being silly!  I could do it all day.  Even if its just to hear them laugh.  Sometimes even to hear them cry, as weird as that sounds, because the weirdest things can make them cry!!  They amaze me.  They have started to play more with each other now, then just around each other.  Their newest activity is to wrestle and tackle each other and laugh hysterically while doing so, with me laughing my butt off in the back ground (while I'm keeping a hawk eye on Cam to make sure his 35 lb self wasn't hurting my little peanut!) It may look rough, but they love doing it and he really is gentle with her!

He wrestles her...

 She tackles him...

 Then they hug!

   

Stitches are coming out tomorrow!!

Here we are, two and half weeks after my third surgery and I am going in tomorrow to get my stitches out!!  I can't wait, but I'm scared its going to hurt.  But I'm so excited I can finally wash that side of my skull and it may not feel so swollen.  Maybe I can start some sort of comb over do to get some sort of style (doubt it, but we'll see!) 

I know no one wants to see stitches, but they are much better then they were.  Be thankful the screws are inside, not showing :)  I'll show worse later, when I feel like talking about all that went on.  But in remembrance of the hair style I've worked for the past two and a half weeks, here are a few pics. The "before's":

From the front:  I've been working a pony tail with a wrap over it to save my kids from having to see my scares.

 The pretty scare.

 Isn't it growing in fast?  Its been growing in since January 23rd, so its been a bit of awhile, but faster then I thought it would.  I just hope they don't have to shave it again to take the sutures out.

Late Valentines Day

I took a pathetic 6 pictures yesterday :(  And yes, they were all of Avery because 1) Cameron spent alot of the day with his Googa and 2) Avery had on pink hearts!  So, not alot was done but they each got little stuffies from mom and dad, a Monkey in a sweatshirt that Cam won't let go of that he named Buddy, and a teddy bear for Avery that sings "you drive me crazy" and dances around, which obviously she adores!  My parents got them little boxes stuffed with little gifts.  Mark got me a pink stuffie that Cameron picked out (which I'm sure will end up being Avery's, like tomorrow!) and some candy of course!  My jaw hurts so badly from where the doctors cut my chewing muscle I can't even eat one right now.  Soon hopefully.  When night time came around, we all went out to dinner, which was nice!  It was my first time out of the house since I got home from the hospital.  It felt nice, but I was embarrassed to be out with my half head of hair and the wrap.  I know, it could be worse, so stop complaining.  I'm trying guys, I promise :)

So here is Avery on Heart Day:

Avery Pics Galore

So there are lots of pictures, so I won't talk to much.  We spent the day home at my parents, cause that is where we have been staying since I got released from the hospital.  We wanted to make her feel special today, so when we got her dressed, she got to wear her special headband.  Yeah, headbands don't really work well on babies with hair.  But she gave me a wink and looked adorable, regardless if her hair was a mess or not.

 Her Googa came over and brought her a Hello Kitty stuffie and a balloon and we showed off her walking behind her stroller.  

 I decided to get in a photo at her dinner time, since whether I have only half a head of hair or not, this is what I looked like at her one year birthday!  I did put on make-up though!!

 Kissing!

 The family

 Next, we opened up a few presents.  She got a little kitchen, that both Avery and Cameron fell in love with!

 And then there was the little Cabbage Patch Kid dress as a poodle.  She loved her!

 Can you tell?

 Cupcake time!  "Are you sure I can eat this?"

 First bite, and she was hooked!

 She stuffed every last bite in her little mouth!

 Pure bliss!  Even though she looks a little sugar drunk!

 Look at her eye lashes :)  I'm jealous!

 Trying to grab the balloons

And then she conked out :)

It was a great day!  I am planning a real party with guests and things for once I'm ready, probably in March and can't wait.  I think she had fun and will have fun to do it all over again.  I love our little girl. And her pretty pictures :)

A letter to Avery

My dear, dear, Avery Cate, 

Today you are One year old!  Can you believe it?  Cause me and your daddy sure can't!  You've been such a great little addition to our family, we just can not imagine life right now with out you!  You have been an awesome baby, since the very beginning.  We loved you from the moment we saw you a year ago today and the love just grows and grows more every day.  You have been an awesome sleeper, with a perfect little personality, love oozing out of you all the time and have the most beautiful face I have ever seen.  You are growing into such a big girl!  I don't know your stats just yet, but you are definitely back on the charts, finally!  You are so vocal now and may even have a few words that you can say in the right context.  You've said Mama (may be your first!!  Thanks!!), Dada, Hi, Mimi, Papa, and Yeah.  You know the meaning of alot of words, like when we say dance, for example, you start dancing like a goofball!  You love to wave, clap, dance, do peak a boo, give kisses and so many other things.  In the past few weeks, you have matured so much!  You have grow so much stronger that you started cruising along the furniture, walking behind your little stroller and trying to climb up on the couches.  You've turned into such a strong, sturdy little girl.  And of course, you are still so in love with your big brother.  He's your best friend right now.  You try to get into all of his toys, but of course he's not always into this, but he tries to share. (Sometimes :)  Your going to be great friends, I promise!  

I just want to thank you for being my little girl for the past year and cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you by my side.  I want you to help me turn into the best mommy I can be and in turn, help you to be the best little girl that you can be.  I love you to the moon and back and will never, ever stop.  You help to make me into what I am today and I will always push myself to be a better person because I have you and your brother to live for.  Thank you, sweetie.  I am blessed that you chose me to be your Mommy.

Love,
Mommy

PS: I have tons of pictures from today, but I'll share them tomorrow. 

Fun visit!

My sister, brother in law and niece came over for a visit today.  The kids had fun playing together, like always.  I was stuck on the couch, so I didn't get very good pictures, but I tried.  Avery and Aubrey are 7 months apart, so they are starting to play, or at least Avery wants to play and is waiting for Aubrey to be ready to play with her.  She's a little bit of a bully at the moment :)  

"Aren't we cute?"

 "Play with me girl!!!"

 "What'd I do?"

 Haha, I swear, she didn't make her cry!!

 This was the best I could get of all three together.  

 Ave, at 364 days old :)

 This was how we found her in the kitchen today.  Good thing there weren't any knives in there!

Ok guys, I'm back, sort of :)

So, I may not be ready to talk about all of this emotional stuff that goes with these past few weeks, but to talk about daily life and my kids is something I can always talk about, so here goes!!

While I was in the hospital, my kids spent the two weeks at my parents house.  I made sure to get my mom to take pictures while they were there so I could catch up once I got home.  Even though it was only two weeks, they seemed to be just different enough that I was able to notice!  I'll elaborate more on Avery on Monday since she's turning ONE, but Cam even seems different!  But to make it easy, I'll just show some pictures!  

While I was on my Mommy Break, my kids:

Got a double ear infection :(

 Made a snowman!

 Went to Friendly's

 Made cupcakes

 Played with their cousin, Aubrey

 Learned, "How big is Avery? 

 Hugged, kinda?

 Took baths in the sink

 Colored

 Worked on the walking

 Got even cuter

Got new cow boy boots (cell phone)

Looks like they had fun, right?  Lets just hope that they missed me even just a tad!  lol.  I'm glad they were able to stay together alot of the time, so that there life wasn't mixed up to much.  Ok, nap time, for me :)