Revolution

So, (have you noticed I start most posts with "so"?) today was weird.  Well first, Avery had her one year check up appointment.  She is up to the 3% in weight, which was 17lbs 5oz and 23% in height, which was 28in long.  Good numbers, on the Avery scale!!  But she screamed the entire time of the appointment and has another double ear infection.  This is the third in the last month.  She's on the harshest antibiotic that they offer babies and the third different one the doctor has prescribed to her.  Hopefully it works.  She is acting pretty good, except when it comes to sleeping in her crib.  It is now 8:50 and she is awake on the couch with dad, happy as a clam.  Ugh.  

After the doctors appointment, we got home I started watching the TV show "The Revolution".  Its a new show, kind of weird and not my type of show, but sometimes I watch it anyway.  Today's show was all about women's hair: what they spend on hair, what to use on hair, and how to get good hair.  After seeing these people complaining that their billowing long curly hair was to curly, that their shiny straight hair was to flat or that their highlighted blond hair was to processed I got sad.  Internally at first and just thought, "ladies, at least you have a full head of hair".  Then I texted with two of my friends: one who is going through something similar and Steph who has been my best, best, bestie for my whole life long and never won't be.  I wanted perspectives from two separate people from a sort of "outsiders" point of view.  Right now, I have one side of shoulder length hair and one bald-ish side of my head, separated with a center part.  Pretty much like the doctors shaved off a pig tail.  

While texting with the girls, I broke down.  I cried the whole afternoon.  I don't see myself as a vein person and I hope others don't, but I was never self conscious either.  I have always said to myself, "I don't think I'm ugly, I think I'm pretty because this is what God gave me and it works just fine".  As stupid as it sounds, (and I can't believe I am even writing this!) I have considered my hair as my good asset, the thing people have given me compliments on since I was little, almost a thing that has defined me in a way. Then this happened and I don't know what to do.  I have kept my longer side of hair for as long as I have to try and work the comb over the bald side style, but once the stitches came out, I played with it and realized it is not going to work.  I have been wearing the wraps since coming home and you can still tell with it on that my whole head of hair is uneven.  When Steph came over tonight, we talked it out and played with it a bit to see what possibly could work.  I think I may have come to the decision that shaving the side with hair to match the other side (about a half inch) may be the best bet.  It won't be my prettiest hair I've ever had, but it will be even, and the only way that that is possible.  I really think its the only way that people will think that I choose to do this.  Otherwise, I will look awkward and like I'm healing from something and I don't want that.  The scar isn't as obvious as you may think it would be, and at least it will all grow together, making all the "styles" I choose, the same on both sides.  I have an appointment tomorrow night to have a professional look at it and give her honest opinion, then do whatever she thinks will work the best.  I hate change, but that is all that my life has been lately, so why not add one more thing?  I'll be forced to try out the little bob that I have always wanted to try, but never had the guts to do so. 

I want this back, someday: 

Ugh...Harsh step??  Opinions please!