ONe month from today..

One month from today I go in to the hospital for my first surgery. I have sooo much I want to do and get done before that day, but I don't think I'll have time for any of it! The Fall is one of my favorite seasons and I want to do so many of the annual Fall stuff that I always do, especially since now Cameron can actually have fun doing them and it's Avery's first fall ever! But with all the stuff we need to get done around the house before I am out of commission for a few months to help Mark do them, I don't know when we are going to be able to do them. Ugh, I need to make a list. Actually, like 50 lists. I'm going to be in the hospital for at least 2 weeks, maybe a little longer depending, so I have to figure out what the kids situation is going to be. Stay together? At our house? At the grandparents? Does mark work during the day and visit at night or stay with me during the day and sleep at the house with the kids at night?

And then comes after I get out of the hospital! What do I do with them then? I thought about getting Cameron in to a pre-school for a few days a week to give him something fun to do and to lighten the load of who is watching us (me included!) that day. When I mentioned this to my social worker, Jeff (who is great and specializes in people going through neurological surgery), he didn't think it was a good idea. He thought (and now I agree) that it would be to much change in his life at once and that it could make him feel like me being "different" was his fault. He also suggested that the kids don't come in to see me while I'm in the hospital, which made me cry. But I understand that seeing me in that way may scare them, Cam especially, and I don't want to do that to them. But oh my Lord, what am I going to do with out seeing them??

I'm trying not to think about it, but it's constantly hanging over my head! It's sort of like a due date. I have to be patient (which I'm not!) for the day to come, but I have to stay busy so I don't think about it to much and get nervous or anxious. But, as with a having a baby, good stuff should come out of all the trials and tribulations. We are hoping at least!!